What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
