Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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