There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
