It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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