i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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