I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
