yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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