I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
