but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't deserve a penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
