we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
