Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
