I'm drive I can fine osifer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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