you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
