btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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