i was born a porn star she said
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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