I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
