DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
