so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
PANTIES FOUND
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