Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
