Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
