I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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