Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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