she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
