you will always have a special place in my vag
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
