I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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