I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
