Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
