The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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