I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and she was petting her beer can
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
