Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
