could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
