That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
