I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
