Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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