I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
