masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
