Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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