Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
