Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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