They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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