Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
