Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
