You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
