I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pants are for mortals
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
