Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
