I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.