whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...