if only i could text you this smell
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
