Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
