You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
