My nipple is on Facebook.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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