last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
