is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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