maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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