I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
