she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
