in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
