Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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