Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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