It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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