well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
