I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
