Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
