Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
