the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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