he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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