but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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