was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
