How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
