You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
