I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
