never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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