the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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