Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
high people should be assigned attendants
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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