Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
