Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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