No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dicks are not precious.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
