also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
