Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
